


Necessary

by twilightHDfan



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-30
Updated: 2012-04-30
Packaged: 2017-11-04 14:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/394905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightHDfan/pseuds/twilightHDfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being threatened and not trusted one too many times, Merlin cracks and leaves. Arthur slowly starts to realise that he may miss his ex-manservant more than he misses Gwen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Necessary

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a merlin_canon prompt over on LJ. I’m not sure I got exactly what the prompter wanted. I think it isn’t until the very end that Arthur actually realises just how much he missed Merlin more than Gwen. But I hope you still like it!

Shoving his clothes into a bag, Merlin wondered why it had taken him this long to finally crack, to finally decide that he’d had enough, that he couldn’t stay in Camelot any longer.

He thought things would be different, that things would be _better_ once Arthur was king, that he wouldn’t have to hide as much, that maybe he could finally tell the man he thought was his friend the truth about who he was.

But he’d just been kidding himself, Arthur was never going to see him as anything more than a manservant, would never believe him even though Merlin had saved his life over and over and over. Which, in all fairness, Arthur didn’t know about every time, but surely the man knew he could trust him by now. That Merlin wouldn’t say something unless it was _true_ , especially if that thing he said would hurt Arthur.

Gritting his teeth, he roughly shoved the remaining belongings into his bag. He was tired of always having to fight, always having to prove to Arthur that he was more than a manservant.

“Merlin?”

Looking up into concerned blue eyes, Merlin took one last look around the room that had been his for so long, ignoring the ache in his chest, and letting the simmering anger that was still running through him rise to the surface.

“What are you doing?” Gaius asked, walking into the room, the concern growing even more as he looked around at the bare room.

“Leaving,” Merlin replied, picking up his bag, and nodding once to himself.

“Leaving?” Gaius repeated. “Leaving for where?”

“I don’t know,” Merlin answered. “Somewhere not here.”

“But,” Gaius started, confusion clear on his face.

Not waiting for the man to finish, Merlin walked over and pulled him into a hug, before walking past him and out the door, knowing if he stayed and talked to the old man that he would be convinced to stay, to give Arthur another chance, another opportunity to take someone else’s word over Merlin’s.

To break Merlin’s heart.

**

“Merlin, where are you going?”

Ignoring the voice, Merlin hitched the bag further up on his shoulder, focusing on the way the sun was shining through the window, and wondering if it would be too hot for him to pull his hood up to shade him from the sun.

“Merlin?” Arthur asked, Merlin hearing the confusion in his voice. “You can’t just ignore your _king_ , Merlin.”

Setting his jaw, he turned around, letting all the hurt and anger come to the surface, not letting Arthur’s concerned face sway him.

“You’re not mine, not any longer,” he answered, pain lancing through his chest at his words, before he turned around again, making his way down the castle steps. It shouldn’t hurt this much, walking away from Arthur.

“What are you talking about?” Arthur asked, something like anger in his voice, Merlin hearing him following behind.

“Merlin!”

Merlin couldn’t pull himself out of the grip that Arthur had on his arm, the King turning him around to face him, Merlin seeing the anger, and possibly hurt, on the other man’s face. Merlin shook his head once, he was clearly seeing things he wanted to see, Arthur could care less about him. It was obvious with the way he had mentioned exiling him, not once but twice. The first time he sort of understood, but the second … He couldn’t forgive the second.

“Merlin,” Arthur repeated, his voice low, eyes searching for something in Merlin’s face. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m leaving,” Merlin answered, not letting himself look away from Arthur’s gaze. If he didn’t know Arthur as well as he did, hadn’t studied the man’s face, he might have missed the slight wince that the other man gave at his words. Although why Arthur would care was beyond Merlin.

“Leaving? To go where? Ealdor? Is your mother in trouble?” Arthur asked, although Merlin could see he knew what Merlin was talking about in his eyes, and he refused to let himself think that Arthur actually looked concerned.

“No, Arthur, I’m _leaving_ ,” Merlin replied, pulling his arm again, a little shocked when Arthur let him pull it free.

“I won’t stand by and watch as you trust the wrong person, Arthur,” he continued, ignoring the way his eyes stung, the way his mind added ‘and not trust me’. “I can’t.”

“Merlin, we spoke about this,” Arthur replied quietly, eyes moving around the court yard, figuring out how many people were listening to their conversation.

“Yes, well,” Merlin answered, looking around the court yard as well, surprised at how many people there were. “You can’t threaten to exile me for saying what’s true again, Arthur, because I’m already leaving. I wasn’t lying when I said Agravaine is plotting against you, he is, and I won’t stand by and watch him and Morgana succeed in their plans.”

He was almost pleased that they were having this conversation somewhere public, so that those loyal to Arthur could hear, would _know_ to watch Agravaine. Because they would. Merlin knew that the servants loved Arthur already, and they would watch Agravaine for even the smallest offence now.

Looking back at Arthur, Merlin let himself memorise the man’s face, the stinging in his eyes getting worse as he saw the lost look in Arthur’s eyes.

“Good bye, Arthur,” he murmured quietly, turning away.

He didn’t look back once as he walked away, knowing if he did that the anger that still burned through him would lose to his need to make everything alright for Arthur. Because, and he could only admit this as he walked away, his love for Arthur was more than it should have been, more like the love Gwen had for Arthur, even if Arthur only thought of him as another servant.

**

Arthur threw his cape on the floor, knowing that his competent manservant would see that it was gone before he returned from the feast. And that thought, for some reason made him angry, although why he would be angry that someone was doing their job correctly was beyond him. He should be happy, should be happy that he didn’t have to remind the new boy to do things, to make sure everything was handled.

But it didn’t, just thinking about it made him want to hit something. His knights had been taking the brunt of his anger, and he’d felt remorse at the end of their training sessions, although those who knew him well had simply looked at him with understanding and concerned eyes.

He’d known that sending Gwen away would be hard, that he would feel the pain and ache in his chest for a long time, would have to fight the urge to go after her and bring her back, but it had been worse these last couple of weeks, with him snapping at people and treating them like he had back before … Gwen had come into his life.

He swallowed hard as he made his way over to the window, looking down on the court yard.

“My Lord.”

Turning, he took in Leon’s concerned face, before turning back to look out the window.

“May I speak freely, your majesty?”

Leon’s slightly hesitant tone had Arthur turning back to look at the knight, wondering what it could be that had the man here so late at night, nodding his head.

“Perhaps it would be easiest if you simply went and … asked for forgiveness?” Leon said, straightening slightly, chin coming up in almost defiance. “Or explained that … that things aren’t the same here, that you’re not the same.”

Arthur felt himself stiffen, knowing his anger must show on his face if the way Leon paled was anything to go by. He wondered how bad he was becoming if his knight had to come to him and tell him this.

“Even if I did apologise to Gwen,” he said, trying not to grit his teeth. “It wouldn’t change anything.”

Leon’s eyes snapped to his, Arthur able to see the confusion that crossed the other man’s face clearly, before the hesitant look returned.

“It … was not Guinevere I was speaking of, your majesty,” Leon replied. “You weren’t like this when she left.”

“Then who on earth _are_ you talking about?” Arthur asked, wondering why his heart had started beating that little bit faster, palms sweating.

Leon stared at him for a long moment, frown making a small crease in his forehead, as he clearly struggled to say what he’d obviously came here to say.

“Merlin,” Leon finally said, a determined look on his face.

And just like that a sharp ache ran through his chest where the hollowness was, making it hard for him to breath, as he thought of his … ex-manservant. The man who’d walked away, never looking back, as if Arthur wasn’t a king, wasn’t _his_ king. No, he wasn’t feeling this way because of his ungrateful, unloyal manservant.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Leon,” he replied, walking over to his table and sitting down.

Out of the corner of his eye, Arthur could see the knight open his mouth again, only to shake his head once and close it again.

“Of course,” he replied. “My mistake.”

With that, he gave a small bow before turning on his heel and walking out the door. Watching him go, Arthur wondered if he’d been pushing his men too hard, if this is the kind of thing they were thinking.

**

Sitting in the weekly council meeting, Arthur listened as one of his father’s advisors droned on, something about the crops and the yield. Arthur had already read the reports and knew very well what the man was talking about. He had also already put things into motion that would fix the problem.

Looking to his right, he went to roll his eyes at his manservant, only to stop when he met hazel instead of blue eyes. The boy looked at him in confusion, taking a step forward, only to stop when Arthur shook his head.

The pain in his chest came back full force, as he had to keep his mild annoyance and amusement to himself. Merlin would’ve known about the steps he was taking, the man probably would’ve even had a few good, and that was a very small few, ideas which Arthur might have, possibly, used.

He wondered what about the situation made him think of Gwen.

**

Riding back from the hunt, Arthur couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was missing. The ride was pleasurable, the horses moving at a steady pace, the sun beating down on them but not too hot, and the other men were talking quietly between themselves.

But there was something missing, someone who used to chatter on at him, who made hunting harder with the way he would be constantly loud and barging through the undergrowth so that anything with ears could hear them coming.

This time, when the ache started in his chest, he realised that he hadn’t thought of Gwen, that there was nothing out here that reminded him of her, but rather of someone else who had always been by his side.

**

Wincing as he moved into his room, Arthur slowly removed his armour, gritting his teeth as the pain lanced through him.

There had been an attack on Camelot, a magical dragon-like creature attacking the villagers in the woods. He and his knights had gone to take care of it, to stop it from hurting more of his people. It had been a task that he and his men had done time and time again, although this time it had taken much longer, more of his men hurt than was usual.

And there was a little voice, in the back of his head, which was pointing out that all those other times, there had been someone by his side. A clumsy, idiotic, brave and stupidly loyal person, who always seemed to be right there, the creature’s they fought somehow foiled in the last second, faltering somehow so Arthur or one of his knights could deal the killing blow.

**

“So … possibly, maybe, in a small way that kind of found his incompetence amusing, I might notice Merlin isn’t here,” Arthur said, as he sat down at the table, trying to ignore the way he was made to feel like a small child as one bushy eyebrow raised.

“Is that so?” Gaius asked, staring at him for a long moment, before turning back to his concoction. Arthur watched him for a few seconds, waiting for the old man to continue, realising quite quickly that the man clearly wasn’t.

“Yes,” he replied, tapping his fingers on the table. “Have you … have you heard from him?”

“I have,” Gaius answered, nodding once, before holding up a vial of some green liquid, staring at it with a frown on his face. Continuing to tap his fingers, Arthur waited for Gaius to continue, only to realise that the man wasn’t going to, again.

“And?” he asked, wondering how it was that Gaius was able to make him feel like he was still a child, instead of the King of Camelot.

“He’s well,” Gaius replied, looking at him over his glasses, something like disapproval on his face. “And not going to return. Not unless he thinks things have changed.”

“Changed?” Arthur asked, jumping up, feeling anger course through him. “Camelot doesn’t need to change! It’s one of the most prosperous kingdoms in all the land. What needs to be changed? And who is he to think that?”

“Nobody,” Gaius replied calmly, going back to his work. “And of course your majesty is right. There’s nothing that needs to be changed in the kingdom. No antiquated laws that kill people for something they’re born with, innocent young people, who are hunted down and killed for nothing more than being who they are. And there certainly are no people on the council who could perhaps want to bring harm to the kingdom and your majesty.”

“You’re speaking treason, Gaius,” Arthur said quietly, although part of him was already wondering if that was why Merlin wasn’t coming back, because even though Arthur was king, things hadn’t changed that greatly. People were still killed for being magical, sometimes without a trial if Agravaine was there. Arthur had also been noticing the way Agravaine or his servant seemed to disappear, only to lie to him when he asked his uncle about it.

“I was simply pointing out things that didn’t need to be changed, Sire,” Gaius replied, his face looking innocently confused. “Not to mention you’re the king, and I would never speak treason in front of you.”

“Do you know where he is?” Arthur asked, tired of the double talk.

“Yes,” Gaius replied, going back to his work.

“But you’re not going to tell me?” Arthur asked, running a hand over his face.

“It is not my place,” Gaius answered, looking at Arthur with sympathy.

**

Arthur still wasn’t sure what he was doing, as he crouched down, watching as his uncle rode into the woods. Arthur had had a feeling that Agravaine was going to disappear tonight, just after the council had finished, just after the plans for the defense of the kingdom had been discussed.

Merlin’s accusations kept replaying in his head, part of him glad that he couldn’t forget the other man’s voice, even if it was saying that another one of his family had turned traitor.

Moving quickly and quietly, he jumped onto his horse, following his uncle, but staying far enough away that the other man didn’t notice him. He couldn’t help the racing of his heart, part of him saying he was betraying Agravaine by having doubts about his loyalty, but then Merlin’s voice would start again.

He had to prove it to himself, prove that he hadn’t trusted the wrong man, that he hadn’t chased Merlin away by having belief in a man who was betraying him.

He slowed, stopping it when Agravaine did, sliding off his horse and tying it to a tree, before slowly moving forward, watching as another hooded figure joined his uncle. Staring, Arthur willed the person to take off the hood, to show him who it was Agravaine was meeting in the middle of nowhere.

His gut was already screaming at him that he knew the figure, knew who it was even without the hood off, but he still needed to see. Taking a step closer, he felt his heart start to race, as the person lifted hands to the hood. Arthur froze when he heard the loud snap, looking down at his foot, seeing the broken twig even in the darkness.

Looking up, he knew that the other two figures had heard him, the two already turned towards him. He couldn’t stop his gut from clenching as he saw the elegant features of the woman he’d thought of as his sister for so many years.

Turning, he moved quickly through the forest, trying to keep as quiet as possible, his task somewhat hindered by the darkness. He didn’t even realise they had caught up to him until he was falling, ropes appearing out of thin air and tying him up, his struggling useless as the ropes pulled tighter, until he couldn’t move, his own blue eyes meeting her similar eyes.

“Hello, Arthur.”

**

Taking a deep breath, Arthur tried to ignore the pain in his arms, tried to ignore the way the chains that were holding his arms above his head were digging into his wrist, the ones on his ankles digging into his ankles.

Morgana and Agravaine had knocked him out, and when Arthur had come to, he was already in the chains, in some dreary little hovel that made him wonder if this is where Morgana had been the whole time since she left, or whether this was where she brought her enemies.

He still wasn’t sure why she hadn’t just killed him, hadn’t removed him from the equation. After all, isn’t that what she’d wanted all this time? Him out of the way so she could have Camelot, so she could bring the kingdom to its knees?

“You look puzzled, Arthur,” Morgana said, moving from the dark corner she had seemingly just appeared in, knife twirling between her hands. “You always did get that … pathetic look on your face when you were confused. But then you were hardly ever really in the loop, so maybe that’s just your usual look?”

Forcing himself not to wince, not to let any weakness show, he tried to move his arms a small amount, to ease the pressure that the chains, that were holding his arms above his head, had. He still couldn’t believe that Agravaine had been betraying him all this time, that he’d been helping Morgana with her plot to destroy him and Camelot.

“What do you want, Morgana?” he rasped out, his mouth dry from not having had anything to drink for what seemed hours.

“I assume Merlin will be along at any minute,” Morgana continued, as if he hadn’t spoken, small smile on her face, and Arthur couldn’t stop the way his stomach clenched at the mention of his ex-manservant.

“Oh,” Morgana said quietly, her smile widening into an evil smirk, eyes lighting up as she moved closer. “Trouble in paradise, Arthur? And here Agravaine told me you were moping because of Gwen.”

Arthur was surprised when no intense feeling came at the mention of the woman who he had thought he was in love with, just a lingering sadness at the way he had treated her, had sent her into exile.

“Well this will make things harder,” Morgana muttered to herself, sliding the knife along Arthur’s jaw. “How am I supposed to get him to tell me who Emrys is by hurting you, if he doesn’t even know that I have you?”

Arthur could feel his heart kick up a notch, his breaths coming a little faster as the knife was pushed in harder against his jaw, Morgana’s words running through his head.

Morgana was after Emrys, not him, and she thought Merlin could lead her to him.

“Oh, don’t worry, Arthur,” she continued, eyes staring at the knife as if mesmerised. “I’m still going to destroy you, I just need to destroy him first.”

She grinned up at him then, looking so much like the girl he knew that he couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if he had known she had magic, if he could’ve stopped her descent if he had been there for her, if magic hadn’t been banned.

And that was when everything seemed to explode, Morgana rushing outside and leaving him to listen to the fighting that was going on outside.

**

“Gwen?” he asked, looking at the woman who he had thought would one day be his wife walk into the room, watching as she freed him.

He could feel the happiness run through him as she smiled up at him, the forgiving look in her eyes, but it wasn’t what he expected, wasn’t the way he thought he would feel reuniting with the person he loved, with the person who he had thought kept him up late at night, the guilt gnawing at him.

“Merlin found me,” she replied, sweeping the dirt off his shoulder, before smiling up at him. “It took us a lot longer than we thought to actually get to you. Morgana has a lot of … minions.”

He smiled at her description of those loyal to Morgana, before her words actually caught up with him.

Us.

Merlin.

Merlin was here?

He felt his stomach flip, his chest felt a little tighter as he looked around, looking for that lanky frame, the messy raven hair, sharp cheekbones and blue eyes that Arthur may have, if he was being honest with himself, dreamt about sometimes late at night. As if hearing a call, Merlin walked into the room, eyes flicking to Gwen before meeting Arthur’s gaze.

There was a spark that ran through him as his eyes met the blue ones he’d dreamt about, relief and concern and something else in that gaze, before something like a wall slammed down, Merlin’s expressive eyes showing nothing. Just like his grin was missing, as he looked back at Arthur.

“Arthur,” Merlin said quietly.

“Merlin,” Arthur replied, heart stuttering in his chest, before it dropped as Merlin walked back out of the house. He went to follow him, before he remembered Gwen, the woman he loved.

She was watching him with a knowing look, small smile curled on her face. She moved forward and kissed him on the cheek, before cupping it with one hand.

“Don’t screw it up this time, Arthur,” she whispered, patting his cheek once, before moving away.

“I-” he started, reaching out to grab her arm, not sure why he was about to let her go and instead was going to chase after Merlin. Merlin who had looked so warm when they had first seen each other, before putting the mask in place. Arthur needed to pull the mask away.

“I love you, Arthur,” Gwen said, hand gripping the one holding his hand. “And I know you love me. But … but it’s not the kind of love we have with _them_. And it’s not fair to any of us to keep going. I think we would’ve been happy, and I’ll always love you, but we wouldn’t be whole, not like we are with them.”

She gently pulled his hand away, giving it a small kiss. He knew who she was talking about, a part of him had known that Lancelot had always been the one for Gwen, even if he had wished, had convinced himself, that he was the one.

“Now go and stop Merlin from doing something idiotic,” she continued, grinning up at him. “You know how he is.”

And he did, he knew how stupid and idiotic and brave the man could be. How he made him feel happy and complete when they were in the same room, how he managed to make even the worst of days better. He could talk to Merlin about anything and everything, sure that the other man wouldn’t judge him, would tell him the truth.

Merlin was his best friend.

And he … he might be, possibly, a little bit, in love with said best friend.

Before he knew it he was moving past Gwen and running outside, heart racing when he couldn’t see Merlin, before seeing him leaning against a tree, staring at the river. Swallowing, as he tried not to panic a little about his feelings for the other man, heart still racing and breaths coming a little faster as he neared him. He only had one chance to convince Merlin to give him another chance, a part of him sure that the other man would disappear forever if he left now.

Hearing him, Merlin turned, the mask still firmly on place; Arthur felt his gut clench at the look.

“So, Merlin,” he started, running a hand through his hair, wincing at the pain that shot through him from where the chains had harshly rubbed against his wrist, but ignoring it, trying to think of something to say, to convince Merlin to stay.

“You … you’re looking well,” he finished lamely, trying to give a smile, but knowing it probably looked more like a grimace. Merlin stared at him for a long moment, clearly waiting for Arthur to say more, before he snorted, shaking his head as he moved past.

“Merlin, wait,” he said, gripping the man’s arm, panic rushing through him.

“For what, Arthur?” Merlin replied, glaring back at him. Arthur was glad to see the mask crack, Merlin’s anger clear to see.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, gently pulling Merlin closer to him, relieved when Merlin let him, his hand running up Merlin’s arm until it was resting on his neck. “I’m sorry for the way I sometimes treated you poorly, I’m sorry I threatened to exile you, that I didn’t believe you when you said Agravaine was plotting against Camelot. I’m … I’m sorry, Merlin.”

Merlin stared at him for a long moment, before the anger and the mask fell away, leaving the hurt and pain that Merlin still clearly felt. Arthur moved closer, until he could rest his forehead against the other man’s, closing his eyes and just letting himself feel the warmth and safety that Merlin seemed to surround him with.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered again, not able to ignore the way his voice had almost broken, surprised that he was close to tears.

“Arthur,” Merlin murmured, the two of them standing together for a long moment, before Merlin pulled back.

“Come home,” Arthur said, both his hands cupping Merlin’s face, thumbs running over the sharp cheekbones he’d always wanted to reach out and touch.

“You’re not just a servant,” Arthur continued, moving closer, so close that their bodies were pushed against each other, Arthur feeling a shock run over him at the contact. “You’re … you’re my best friend, Merlin. You’re … necessary. I need you there. I … I need you.”

That seemed to be the thing that Merlin needed to hear, his bright grin crossing his face, eyes slightly glassy as he looked back at Arthur with a happiness that made Arthur feel invincible. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning in, kissing the smile that he had missed so much, unable to stop his own grin when he felt Merlin’s lips move against his.

It was a chaste kiss, their lips moving slowly together, more a promise than anything, before they moved apart. Even though he thought he knew Merlin’s answer, he still had to hear it from the other man’s mouth.

“Come home?” he asked.

“Yes,” Merlin answered, grinning up at him, before pulling his head back down for another kiss.

END


End file.
